Victorian Valentine Cupid's Darts Love Poem Greeting Card

Why would you bolt a heart shut with an ornate iron lock and baroque gold scrollwork, then surround it with cheerful pink roses that are absolutely not doing enough to offset the 'my feelings are under maximum security lockdown' energy? The poem — helpfully arranged so the first letters of each line spell out ACROSTIC BAIT for the truly patient Victorian recipient — warns that Cupid is 'sly,' his 'tricks are fine,' and that 'a dart may lurk' in this very card, which is either the most romantic threat ever issued or a restraining order written in cursive. The decorative rope-and-hearts border frames the whole paranoid manifesto with a cheerfulness that can only be described as deeply unhinged, like receiving a bouquet of flowers attached to a booby trap.