Victorian Valentine Greeting Card: Children Under Umbrella

A modern viewer immediately notices two rosy-cheeked toddlers huddled under an enormous dark umbrella in a flower-dotted field, with the straw-hatted boy in a blue coat leaning in for what is clearly an unsolicited kiss while the girl — dressed in white, clutching nothing, going absolutely nowhere — looks directly at the viewer with an expression that screams 'please send help.' Two disembodied pink hearts float against the umbrella's dark interior like the Victorian era's idea of a romantic PowerPoint slide. The text 'What shall my little secret be? That I love you if you love me' is just conditional love language delivered by a child in rubber boots, which somehow makes it worse.